The Theory of the Triangle
Recreation of a Post-It note doodle I have at my desk
PART 1: THE THEORY OF THE TRIANGLE
“When you’re educating yourself, gaining perspective, and/or developing yourself into an otherwise better person than you currently are, that’s investment.
When you’re putting your skills and talent to work in a constructive manner, whether writing, working, performing, developing a product, etc.; that’s expression.
When you’re watching TV, eating shit food just cause, taking a nap because you’re bored, kicking the shit with friends, or playing video games, that’s consumption.
However, you need to balance these three activities:
Investment without expression does little for yourself and nothing for society or the world.
Expression without investment yields unsophisticated results.
Expression and/or investment with too little consumption is exhausting.
Too much consumption is simply unproductive.
Have a good night.”
~ Anonymous
I first saw this screenshot of a post in high school. I had just started my writing journey, and a friend sent it to me asking if reading was an investment or consumption. I argued it could be both.
However, as a writer, this concept presented a solution to the late-night self-doubt about why everything I wrote seemed like trash: I wasn’t bad at writing, I just didn’t invest time into learning how to write.
Over the years of learning how to balance life, I flayed this concept and overlayed it on the framework of Plato’s Charioteer Allegory. Logos, the charioteer of logic and reason, needs to wield both vibrant impulsive passion Thumos and irrational appetite Eros in order to get anywhere. If one horse is stronger than the other, the chariot will veer off course. If Logic cannot control either Thumos or Eros, then the chariot will veer off course.
The solution is to grow Logos’ control not to dominate but to better understand the horses that pull him forward. The horses are self-motivated and the logician uses that wisely to his advantage. By sufficiently feeding the craving, the horses will become a lot more pliable, both from being satiated and also from the expectation/promise of more in the future. With all things in balance, the Chariot of the Soul moves forward.
You are not the mind or soul claiming dominance over your body: your job is uniting all 3 into controlled, directed fluidity.
None of the three is the enemy: the only problem is that one craving might be so powerful that the entire chariot is thrown off course. It could be the product of burnout from too much studying, not enough consumption, or not being able to express yourself. It might be that your specific genetic/psychological makeup makes a few cravings much stronger than others, and conventional methods don’t work for you. This is the reason you have trouble focusing, disciplining yourself into long hours of work, or delaying gratification for long-term results.
Just as Anonymous said, you need all three in order to function. I named this ‘The Theory of the Triangle” and continue to add to it the more that I understand its balance.
Let me catch you up to speed.
Bringing Logos/Thumos/Eros into Balance — Is it precarious and curated?
Yes and no.
Yes, it is precarious and curated. In some situations, a wrong judgment call can mean certain doom. Logos’ secret weapon is intuition, and you’ll train the pattern recognition into instinct from experience over time. You do have to somewhat curate ‘If-Then’ flowcharts for various cravings and ideas. You may feel an overwhelming urge to become an indie filmmaker after watching YouTube short films all night; it’s up to the logician to say “maybe you just feel like you need an adventure, or to start a new hobby”. It may actually be filmmaking, but let it sit for a while so that you don’t wrap up too much money and time into a short infatuation.
No, it’s not at all precarious or curated. A slice of cake on your birthday is not going to completely ruin your gym plans for the year, despite what the pro-bodybuilders say. If you actually want to do it, then you’ll overcome pretty much every hurdle with ease. If you have trouble overcoming them, forming adaptable habits and rituals is a great way to make sure that your environment doesn’t matter that much (James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, has a few great articles on his website about this.): make some high-protein desert foods, or make up for a cheat day with some hill sprints.
That being said, I prefer to have a balance of the two. (shocker.)
I have a great environment at my desk that perfectly focuses me on the variety of tasks I have every day: audio equipment for client calls and recording, a custom keyboard for typing multiple hours of the day away with, pens and paper for taking notes, and shortcuts to my frequent links. I also have a ‘travel pack’ of a laptop with a cracked screen that overheats frequently that I can do work on the road with.
I have a great gym membership complete with a sauna, pool, a variety of free weights and machines, and a smoothie bar in the lobby. Some days, I’ll do a few pushups on my bedroom floor and call it my workout for the day.
It doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be done.
Feeding the Charioteer and His Horses
Similar to how the big three need to be in balance, so too are desire and satiation. A full belly doesn’t want any food: feed the craving enough to feel satisfied, but still crave more later. This might look like “I did really well this time, but I bet I can do X even better next time!” or “I’m going to limit myself to one episode of Y show per day, and only after I get my work done.” To summarize it for long-term memory, let’s call it the Carrot-on-the-Stick Effect. This lesson is crucially important in avoiding burnout (covered in the next chapter). A starving horse can’t pull a chariot, but a full horse isn’t enticed by the carrot. Bits and pieces here and there is the best way forward. Keep the rewards expectable and have the discipline to delay them until you finish.
Having regular habits and hobbies designed around the desires of Logos, Pathos, and Eros is a great idea. I have a shelf of books I haven’t read yet; I make a point to do some flash fiction to flex my creative brain when it’s been a while, and I buy myself something nice at least once a month. It keeps the machine well-oiled and working, which means that I wake up wanting to do the things on my to-do list instead of dreading them.
Motivation, Discipline, and Dedication
Motivation comes from Thumos and Eros — wanting to express yourself and wanting to reward yourself. Science refers to this directly via Dopamine and Serotonin, but those are just the chemicals that happen to be around during these moments. You don’t experience the world through chemicals, you experience it through emotions, and so by understanding how to work with your emotions (instead of concocting a chemical potion to force your body into submission†), you can better curate your environment to help you out.
Discipline is synonymous with self-control, and you should not punish yourself for wanting things or being out of control. Discipline is the skill of keeping things in order, delaying cravings long enough to accomplish the task, and controlling the direction of focused energy. Beating yourself into submission is unproductive and unhealthy. Instead, simply feed the desires until they calm down and become a bit more orderly, then set yourself back on track. Make new rules and guidelines for your workflow if certain strategies don’t work: if you can’t wait until after you finish editing to reward yourself, maybe work smaller rewards in for smaller tasks during the whole work period. This is also something that works well for depression slumps when you can’t be motivated to do anything: promise yourself the bare minimum and reward yourself for it. You deserve it.
Dedication is simply how badly you want to be where you’re going. Keep showing up. If you don’t want to, you may be focused on the wrong goals or passions. If you have to get through a boring or difficult patch to achieve a goal, try to gamify the process to make it more enticing and engaging. Carrot on the Stick.
These things are natural movements of being properly rewarded for hard tasks on the path toward something you really want to do. You don’t have bad discipline or no motivation, you have a bad strategy, are focusing on the wrong things, or even just having a bad day. Like our lord and savior Tadashi Hamada said, “Shake things up! Use that big brain of yours to think your way out! Look for a new angle.”
† If you need antidepressants, anxiety meds, or anything else, take them. There is no shame in the medication game, and I’ll be extra proud of you for taking care of yourself by seeking the help you need. Here, I’m calling out my old self for having 21 supplements each morning like mushroom adaptogens, omega-3s, turmeric-sea cucumber combos, and vegan alternatives because I didn’t understand why I felt like garbage waking up extremely early in the morning to do things I desperately did not want to do. Science is healthy and useful, and needing help is perfectly okay.
Burnout and Imbalance
If you’re recovering from burnout, setting yourself back on track might feel insurmountable. Motivation can be hard to track down, and discipline and dedication are out the window entirely. I usually recommend a three-step process to get back on it:
Take your time, alleviate the load, and take more breaks.
If you do pomodoros, I recommend doing a 1:1 work-to-break ratio. Also, animedoros do wonders.
Take naps, do self-care, and drink tea. Be comfortable.
Stress eating is A-okay at times like these. Avoid long-term self-destructive habits, though.
You’re allowed to tell clients and employers that you need a break. If you’re dreading the text/email, copy-paste this and write it in your own words:
Unfortunately, this project isn’t getting to a level where I’m proud to deliver it to you, and I refuse to give you something less than you deserve. I really enjoy doing this sort of thing, but I won’t be able to finish this project. If you’d like, I’d be more than happy to send you the work I’ve completed so far, a full refund, and a few references to people I’ve worked with who might be able to help you out so that you have a starting place to get this done within the deadline. Thank you so much for understanding, and let me know if you have any questions.
If you have any problems with them, tell them to come talk to me.
2. Go back to square one and remember your ‘Why’.
Mine’s a pinterest board. I also write down little quips on post-it notes and leave them around my desk. It can be for a deep life purpose; it can be for a new car. Sometimes working up to a vacation is enough. Don’t be ashamed to want the things you want, as long as it means something to you.
3. Start with the smallest tasks.
A hot shower can feel like a reward if you bring a speaker and play a good song.
Clean your room so that you have somewhere nice and fresh to sleep. You deserve it.
You don’t need to do monumental things every day. One sentence worth of writing, a quick walk around the block, or just showing up to work and going through the motions is fine.
You cannot operate at your best when you’re burnt out. You should not expect a masterwork to come out of a depressive slump. Trust your future self to handle the bigger task when you feel better. Your job is simply getting to a place where you feel good again. Don’t sweat it.
PART 2: SELF-CARE AND SELF PROGRESSION
Glad you made it this far.
I’m assuming that you, the liver of life, have probably figured out some things that you’d like to do before the end of said life. I’m also assuming that you’ve probably started applying some concepts around The Triangle to how you can get going towards those things.
Now that we’ve established that you would like to do stuff and also should probably go do that stuff, let's focus on the next part: Maintaining the Triangle, also known as ‘Self Care and Self Progression’.
Self-Care
Although we already touched on burnout, I wanted to take a more detailed look at its precursors and causes, and how to avoid that outcome.
Burnout is a poison that takes months and sometimes years to work through. Self-Care is the antidote. Through a specific set of actions, you can negate the chances of burnout almost entirely.
If you have suffered from burnout or depressive slumps or can feel yourself getting closer to one, it’s extremely helpful to make notes about some of the symptoms and warning signs in order to prepare for a break and avoid a cataclysm. If I find myself having difficulty focusing and end up lying on the floor wishing everything would just be easier, I’m probably a few weeks away from burnout. Frustration and over-emotionality are also some pointers toward burnout and depression.
Consumption is where my main disagreement with Anonymous comes in: consumption is integral and equal to investment and expression, and not a negative necessity. Not all self-care needs to progress you towards your goal, and trying to have ‘productive’ self-care might stress you out more than rejuvenate you.
Self-care is self-love:
Figure out your love languages
Physical touch, acts of service, gift-giving, etc.
You can take a test online to get an idea if you don’t know.
2. Think back to times you’ve genuinely enjoyed yourself or felt refreshed, either alone or with people.
It can be anything from hiking in a forest, taking a nap with a weighted blanket, etc.
3. Do a quick brainstorming jot-down session
Pick 3–5 memories or ideas you like and can do, and see which one you want to do most
4. Treat yourself to a day curated specifically for you
Get your favorite foods, go to your favorite locations, and explore your interests
Love yourself the way you want others to love you.
5. Make it regular.
Do small things daily, and plan a bigger event once every few weeks. Buying a new pillow to use every night, wearing new shoes around the house, or cooking yourself your favorite pasta dish counts. Plan a weekend camping trip to a national park as a refresher. Invite friends if you want to, but make sure you feel good and happy about everything.
A few days ago, I went to go see a movie in the theatres solo, then went to the gym straight after, and finished off the night with some video games. On other days I just get UberEATS and pick up a book I want to reread. Remember, you don’t need to punish yourself for craving or wanting these things. You deserve to enjoy your time, and taking some time to have fun isn’t going to destroy everything you’ve ever done to get this far. It’ll actually do the opposite: I do more work and perform better after a weekend of self-care.
It’s not going to be much of a victory when you achieve your goals if you feel like absolute garbage all the time and clonk out immediately after.
Self-Progression
We now have figured out that we need to direct our passions and motivations toward a few deep-seated goals, and how to keep the horses up-and-running to get us to the destination. In this bit, we’re going to cover scaling that system up.
How do we grow the horses bigger? Well, it’s just like Anonymous told us: Investment creates sophistication.
The more detailed your end goal is, the more likely you are to reach it. If you know exactly where, when, and how you’re going to reach your goal, all you have to do is follow that path. In order to detail your goals, you should invest more time into studying where you want to be, and then reverse-engineering the steps of other people who have accomplished similar things.
If you have idols, watch more of their content. Read books on topics that interest you. Adapt your life piece-by-piece into the person you want to become, surrounded by the things you value. Be deeply contemplative about your future relative to where you are now, and ask advice from people who you want to be like.
After a while, you’ll begin to have more nuanced motivations: You don’t just want to go to the gym to get fit, you want to compete at a national powerlifting competition. You don’t just want a big house; you want a vacation home in France for your parents. You have favorite flowers (for your future garden) and plans for a workshop to explore your woodworking hobby.
Thumos and Eros respond in kind by craving things closer to those dreams: take your dream car for a test drive around the lot. Paint a picture of the winter cabin and hang it above your desk. The rewards and cravings become the specified goals.
This habit of nuanced study will also spread to every aspect of your life: you will begin to become a detailed compendium on a variety of topics. Although you may only be focused on 2–3 goals, you’ll find spillover knowledge that creates new subgenres of discussion and expertise. This could lead to new communities, deeper desires, or more excitement.
You’ll have become the true charioteer of the soul, and when you look around, you’ll have become the person you want to be.
